I awoke early again today, exhausted. Fighting to live is hard work, mentally and spiritually. Yesterday was a bad day. I detest calls from doctors, they never have good news. Usually I take it directly to God. Yesterday, for whatever reason, I chose not to. I wanted to feel the anger, use bad words, and shed tears. I felt vindicated. I also felt guilty afterwards.
I know God forgives these temporary lapses. He never releases my hand no matter how I pull away. He listens to me rant, covers his ears, and shakes his head. When I am finished he allows me to climb into his lap and rest my head upon his shoulder. In time he sets me on my feet and tells me to go back to collecting heartbeats.
That is how this blog is born. It is a whipping post, a listening ear, a keeper of my secrets and hopefully a life long friend. Jazmine, my best four-legged, hair balled friend is tired of my mood swings. I need someone else to share this burden with, someone unbiased. Someone who can relate to the fear, pain, joy, and victories. Someone who can’t call me on the phone or knock on my door when I don’t want to talk. Someone who can read these words if they feel like it or shut me off at will. I ask that you understand this works both ways. I will listen, talk or shut you off at will also.
That said – Later! Have a glorious day……..